[Q&A] Coming Clean during Christmas Time

tl-qa-logoQuestion: Me & my girl have been together for 11 months now. About 5 months ago she moved out to Colorado for school, and drives home every other weekend unless she’s on break. Ever since she moved there, these are the only times we’re able to see each other and lately, more times than not, something comes up and keeps her from getting home at all. When that happens, we’re lucky if we get one weekend together out of the month. I’m lonely. I try talking to her, but the way she sees it, we’re closer than ever.

Anyway, about 3 months ago, I met this girl. We clicked instantly. We were just friends at first. I didn’t let myself move outside of the friendzone because I do love my girl, but that’s what ended up happening anyway. We’ve been sleeping together for the last 4 or 5 weeks but I still haven’t told my girl about it. She’s supposed to be home for Christmas break and I am just wondering what I should do. Do I tell her? Before Christmas? After? At all? I’ve never cheated before and I’m not a bad person, I’m just caught in a bad situation.

M.S. – Nevada


Answer:

M,

You most definitely have placed yourself in a bad situation. That’s the long and short of it. Any relationship has its difficulties and sadly, there is no book of life on transcending them. Of course, we all have needs, some stronger than others; and it’s our right to have those needs met. However, those needs should almost always be able to be met within the relationship, never outside of it – being that you and your girlfriend seem to be in a monogamous relationship.

Have you seriously addressed your fears with her?

If not, you have made a pretty big mistake. Not only have you taken the power away from your girlfriend –of deciding what may be best for her, you made a decision with only you in mind; one that is bound to shatter her trust in you. I get it, you went from being with her as often as you liked to now only being able to see her once or twice a month. I imagine that cannot be easy, but in life, what is? You’ve entered into the inherent dangers of cheating. I suppose now you have some real thinking to do and some tough decisions to make. Do you have plans to end the relationship with this new girl?

The Christmas holiday would have to be one of the worst times to inform someone you’ve been cheating on them, right? –sigh-

Look, overall it’s not going to be easy, but I have a feeling you already know that. I believe that either way, your girlfriend deserves to know the truth, especially if you plan on being with her long-term. Not telling her will only remove her power to make a decision that is in the best interest of herself and that’s already been done once before. I definitely wouldn’t do it again. On the other hand, telling her right before Christmas could seriously dampen her holiday spirit so it may be best to let her know once things have settled down. Unfortunately, I can only give my advice. I can’t tell you what will work and what will not, but it’s safe to say that you know what type of woman your girlfriend is and the best ways of approaching her.

You’re probably not a bad person, just one that has put themselves in a very bad place, romantically. We all wish we could have a do-over, but life doesn’t work like that. You obviously seem to care though, so do the right thing and take that first step on hopefully repairing things. Best of luck.

♥ Mali

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